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TheBox2050 NBPAP & Pro Polymath Podcast and NFT Gallery
Terry
•Peter Liam•Season 1•Episode 1
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When an ancient, interdimensional hunter named Terry crashes the late-night Doctor Who writers' room demanding the location of the elusive Time Lord, two exhausted screenwriters must survive a barrage of mind-bending fifth-dimensional hallucinations—and convince a terrifying cosmic entity that their ultimate quarry is just a fictional character.
Trapped in a cluttered London office with a looming deadline, writers Marcus and Sarah are pushed to their limits when reality folds in on itself. Enter Terry—a glowing, geometry-warping alien from the fifth dimension who has spent centuries tracking the Doctor across space and time. Unaware that the Time Lord is purely a creation of television, Terry subjects the writing duo to bizarre, surreal tortures to force a confession. To survive the night and save their sanity, Marcus and Sarah must pull off their hardest pitch yet: convincing a multidimensional predator that the universe's greatest savior is made of cardboard, plywood, and clever scripts.
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The late-night writer's room of Doctor who smelled strongly of stale instant coffee, lukewarm takeout, and desperate deadline panic. Marcus, the lead writer, rubbed his bloodshot eyes and stared at his blank laptop screen. Across the cluttered table, his co-writer Sarah was furiously chewing on the cap of a blue Sharpie. What if, Sarah said, her voice raspy from a twelve-hour plotting session, the doctor defeats the time rot by simply talking to it very loudly. We use that in episode three, Marcus groaned, collapsing his forehead onto the desk. We need something bigger.
Something, the air in the room suddenly curdled. The ambient hum of the fluorescent lights shifted into a sound like a synthesizer being shoved down a garbage disposal. Down the hall the office water cooler vibrated so violently it splashed onto the carpet, and the posters of classic daleks on the wall began to bleed a shimmering, neon magenta syrup. Space folded in on itself like an origami crane being stepped on by a heavy boot. Out from the tear tumbled Terry. Terry was an entity from the fifth dimension. To human eyes he looked like a glowing, translucent geometry problem that couldn't decide whether it was an octopus, a dorticahedron, or aggressively patterned paisley neckti. He floated two feet off the ground, vibrating with cosmic outrage. Attention, carbon-based monkeys. Terry boomed. His voice sounded like it was echoing from inside an empty metal oil drum overlaid with a kazoo. I am Terry of the Higher Fold. The bender of parallels. The drinker of probabilities. And your secrets are forfeit. Marcus slowly lifted his head off the desk. He looked at Terry, he looked at Sarah. Did you spike my espresso with shrooms again, Sarah? Marcus asked flatly. I wish I had, Sarah whispered, clutching her sharpie like a dagger. Is that a floating fractal? Silency, Terry floated closer, his geometric edges flaring angry orange. I have traversed the non-Euclidean plains to track the most elusive surgical time traveler in the cosmos. The one you call the doctor. I know you are his handlers. His chrono handler syndicate. His what? Marcus blinked. Terry's third-dimensional shadow twitched violently. Do not play the fool with Terry. For three centuries of real time I have hunted him across the galaxy. Every time I locate him, he vanishes, leaving behind only a blue wooden box and a scrail of confusing continuity. But I found your transmissions. I know you direct his movements from this horrifically low-dimensional fortress. Sarah squinted at the floating entity. Wait, do you think the doctor is real? Terry chuckled a sound like breaking glass and sliding whistle notes. A poor attempt at a distraction. Prepare your minds for the fifth-dimensional torture of a thousand truths. You will confess his current coordinates, or your brains will melt into primordial soup. Terry folded his multidimensional appendages, and the hallucinations
began. Instantly the writer's room dissolved. Marcus suddenly found himself standing on a beach where the sand was made entirely of screaming teeth, while the sky rained warm lukewarm soup. Ah, Marcus yelled, shielding his face. Is this Meinstrone? Confess, Terry's voice echoed through the soup storm. Where is the Time Lord hidden? Is he on Gallifrey? Is he in the nebula of Zinn? He's not anywhere. Marcus screamed back, dodging a floating crouton the size of a microwave. He's a fictional character. We write him, look at my hands. I have carpal tunnel from typing his dialogue. Terry scoffed, shifting the hallucination. Suddenly Sarah was standing in an endless void, surrounded by a choir of giant, singing Victorian toilets performing opera at deafening volumes. Tell me his real name, Terry demanded, hovering over Sarah. What is who short for? Is it Huberto, Julia? It's not short for anything. Sarah yelled over a crescendo from a porcelain soprano. It's a pun, it's a sixty-year-old BBC joke. We literally just made up a plot where he fights a giant space wasp last Tuesday. Lie, Terry roared. He snapped his non-existent fingers, and the hallucinations collapsed back into the boring reality of the writer's room. Terry landed heavily on the conference table, knocking over a half-eaten box of doughnuts. He puffed up his translucent panels shifting to a frustrated shade of bruised purple. Your mental fortitude is astonishing, Terry hissed, sweeping a misty tendril across the room. You suffer the torment of the soup rain and the operatic latrines, yet you hold to this ridiculous cover story. Fictional? Do you expect Terry to believe that a single chrono being has had forty-seven different faces, a sonic screwdriver that does everything except open wooden doors, and a predilection for fezes, all from the minds of two tired weaklings in sweatpants?
Marcus sat up rubbing his eyes. When you put it like that, it sounds crazy, but yes. Look, Marcus grabbed a massive, bound script from the center of the table and slammed it down in front of Terry. Look at this, Marcus pointed to a page. See this line, I'm the doctor and I'm a time lord from the planet Gallifrey. I wrote that on a Tuesday. While eating a cold sausage roll. Terry leaned over the script. A glowing, eye-like sensory organ protruded from his central fractal to examine the paper. This, this is merely an abstract map of his destiny. Terry declared, though his tone lost some of its bravado. It's a script, Terry. Sarah pleaded, pulling up her laptop. Look, here's the actor who plays him. His name isn't Cutie, he lives in London. He goes to brunch. He doesn't even have two hearts, he just has a really good agent. Terry hovered in place for a long, silent moment. The neon magenta syrup on the wall slowly faded back into wallpaper. The ambient synthesizer noise quieted to a low, awkward hum. SO, Terry said softly, his voice pitching up like a deflating balloon. When he defeated the Cyberman at the edge of time. That was not a historical military triumph. Nope, Marcus said. Budget ran out, so we just blew up a spray-painted cardboard set. And the TARDIS, the dimensionally transcendent artifact that is bigger on the inside. It's a prop made of plywood, Sarah said gently. It lives in a warehouse in Cardiff. Sometimes crew members accidentally lock themselves inside it during tea breaks. Terry's geometric shape sagged, drooping onto the desk like a melted candle. The vibrant fifth-dimensional colours drained away, leaving him a dull, depressing grey.
I have pursued him for three hundred years. Terry whimpered. I boat a special, expandable net. It was very expensive in my dimension. It cost me fourteen thought crystals. Look, it happens to the best of us. Reality is a hassle. I mock judged my paral or realm for this hunt, Terry sniffled, a sound like a wet sponge being squeezed. My wife Glorp Seven told me it was a wild goose chase. She said, Terry, you're obsessed. But I said no, I said the time man is real. Sarah patted a glowing pointy corner of Terry's shape. Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. The lore is pretty convincing. Have you read the big finish audio dramas? Even the hardcore fans get confused. Terry looked up, his grey edges brightening slightly to a pale pink. Really? Oh, absolutely, Marcus agreed.
Tell you what, Terry. You want to stick around. We're currently stuck on Act 3. We need a villain who uses non-Euclidean geometry and haluncinatory soup to terrorize the universe. Terry perked up, snapping back into a sharp, gleaming 20-sided die. Well, I do have extensive professional experience in that particular field. Great, Marcus slid a blank pad of paper and a pen toward the floating alien. Can you write down how the soup rain works? And if you have any notes on how to make the Dalek scarier, we're all ears. Terry hovered over the pad, his glowing appendages twitching with excitement. First of all, the Daleks need more angles. Curves are agriculturally inferior. Allow Terry to demonstrate. And so, as the sun began to rise over London, two exhausted TV writers, and a fifth dimensional nightmare named Terry sat around a messy desk, happily writing the next episode of Doctor Who.
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